Sometimes it seems easier to try and retreat.
To retreat from a fight. To retreat from work. To retreat from your life.
But where can you go? Sometimes home is where you are retreating from. Not everyone has a park or quiet street to roam. With animals, cars, sirens, alarms and the general chaos of the world…at times it feels like escaping by flight straight into the sky is the only option.
I actually considered that today on my commute to work. Just aiming my car into the sky and away from the pavement. Taking a few pieces of that cumulonimbus and squishing it into my ear until it tickled by ear drum and just….existing that way. No distractions at all. No life to deal with.
I retreat inside of myself. Deep, deep deeeeeep inside.
It feels almost like zoning out but being completely aware all at once. There are several places in my mind that I can be which are millions of miles from where my physical self is sitting.
It only takes a few seconds to get there. You know the seconds I am talking about. The seconds where you are aware of every cell in your body turning into a thick black tar that drains all life out of you,. The instant replay starts up where you wish life had a remote control and you start playing back moments and wishing you could edit the film. If only.
I take my little corner of the world with me wherever I go. It is something I never forget on the bathroom or kitchen counter like my phone or my lunch. I always take it, because on days like these I would have no where to go without it.
Right now I am sitting on the forest floor. The ground is dewy and covered in moss and I sit leaned against a tree so thick at the base I can’t even put my arms around it. My favorite pale blue sundress is wrapped around me and falling in waves that fade to ripples. The tree canopy is highlighted by the warm sun creating golden shimmering ribbons that sparkle on the mossy floor. The ribbons make me wonder if the atmosphere is made of these ever shining force fields that we can be engulfed in at any moment if we were quick enough.
This is my favorite place. There is only the sound of wind and the taste of autumn even though it is the middle of summer.
I go here in my dreams when all of the excitement is too much. I just stare when I am here. Stare and watch my life flitter like the dancing ribbons before my eyes.
That is where I am. This is where I go.
Where do you go?